The World's Biggest Asshole
by Linxcat
Summary: Teddy explains to Harry why he is what the title implies. Can his godfather convince him otherwise? didn't think they were bad enough to rate it, but minor cusses


Harry approached the boy cautiously. He knew from experience that if any child was found slouched on a stair, head in hands, it was not a good sign. Teddy Lupin wasn't much of a child anymore, but that just made even more warning bells go off in his head.

He looked around. James and Al were at a friend's. Lily was, thankfully, sleeping right through most nights now. So his god-siblings couldn't be the cause of his foul mood.

"Teddy…?" He asked tentatively. The boy didn't move.

"Ted, what-"

"It's nothing, Harry. I'm fine." Came the brusque reply.

"I'm not stupid, although it is contrary to popular opinion." He hoped the last comment would make Teddy smile. Normally, it would. Not today.

"I'm fine! Perfectly happy! Hunky dory!" the teen grimaced and buried his head in his hands, "I'm also the world's biggest _asshole_!"

Harry was very glad Lily was not around. She had recently taken to repeating words she heard around the house. Her favourite at the moment was 'teapot'. He could just imagine at nursery…

_"What's your name, dear?"_

_"Asshole! Asshole!"_

"Am I allowed to question why?"

"Oh, no reason in particular," he scowled, "Just that I've got four detentions already lined up for the week after the holiday and the term hasn't even _started_ yet, my girlfriend hates me, and, oh yeah, everyone forgot to tell me that today is the anniversary of my dead parents who I never knew!"

Harry paused, stunned slightly by the last statement. Of course. It was the 25th of July. How could be so cruel as to forget?

"Teddy, I am so, so-"

"Don't bother." Teddy snapped, arms folded and resting on his jeans. The holes and patches that adorned them reminded Harry painfully of the boy's mother.

Harry sighed.

"I thought you already knew." He said quietly. He saw Teddy's mouth twitch.

"Yeah? Well so did everyone else. But I didn't. So I spent the whole of today wondering why on earth everyone was avoiding my like the freaking _plague_ and why no one would _talk_ to me and kept giving me stupid _sympathetic_ looks! I had to find out myself on the _Internet_! The freaking Internet!!"

Harry was at a loss for words as his godson screwed his eyes shut in an attempt to choke back tears.

"And then when I asked Gran if it was true, she started crying and I felt like a complete _asshole_ for bringing it up…and a complete asshole for not _knowing_ - I'm their son for crying out loud! I should have spent all day sad, not mucking around with my friends and being a complete idiot…"

His voice trailed off, and Harry bit his lip.

"Why does Victoire hate you?" he asked.

Teddy snorted.

"You would not believe…"

"Try me." Harry said firmly. He desperately wanted to make up for his slip.

"I forgot her birthday." Teddy replied after a few moments.

"You…her _birthday_?"

"I know. I am _such_ an idiot. She was dropping hints all week. And I, being a complete blind twat, missed every one. Then she asked me if we were doing anything, and I asked her why, it wasn't like it was a special day anyway and then she got all upset and now she hates me."

Harry smiled, "I'm sure she doesn't hate you."

"I'm sure she does. She won't return any of my calls or texts, and I'm scared to go round to Shell Cottage in case Bill bites my head off - literally!"

Harry laughed at that, but Teddy still seemed terrified.

"Seriously. It's scary dating the daughter of someone who got attacked by a werewolf! He could _eat_ me!"

"What, Bill? It's Fleur I'd be more worried about. She's the scary one."

Teddy's face paled.

"Besides, Victoire could say the same about you."

Teddy paused for a few seconds, before replying, "'Cept for the daughter bit."

"Right. Plus you're pretty scary when you're grumpy."

The teen stopped. He really wasn't sure whether his godfather was joking or not.

"I suppose you want to know why I got those detentions, too?" he mumbled.

Harry raised his eyebrows, "Well, let's just say I'm a very sympathetic ear."

"Michael Johnson called me a half-breed and said my mum was a freak and my dad was a monster. So I punched his stinking face in. Not only did I get in trouble for punching him, which was stupid cuz Madame Pomfrey fixed him up in like two seconds, but I was called a dumbass for the rest of the day because I fought like a _muggle_."

Harry winced, "Ouch."

"You said it," Teddy grumbled. "Michael wasn't even punished. And I was lectured on how I really ought to keep my temper under control, and that I shouldn't have lashed out, and was given a long list of ways that I could be more like my father." He spat the last sentence out bitterly.

There was a silence for a few moments.

"That was harsh."

"You think?"

"Your mum wasn't a freak. She was hilarious and brilliant at cheering people up. And your father couldn't have been a monster if he'd tried."

Teddy closed his eyes. Harry saw tears glistening beneath his lashes.

"Yeah, well, that's not going to change anything now, is it? I've got four detentions and a reputation for being a violent kid with a smart mouth."

"Sounds just like how I used to be described." Harry muttered. Teddy snorted.

"Yeah, 'cept I'm not the famous boy-who-lived, am I? No one in their right mind would think _I'm_ cool." His usually turquoise blue hair turned a shade of brown, and his eyes were tired and dejected.

"You know, you sound just like your dad-"

"Please don't spout some cheesy godfather rubbish," Teddy said quickly, "I'm not in the mood."

Harry closed his mouth and frowned. Ted used to love being told he was like his parents. It would make his day. But recently it just seemed to depress him.

"I thought saying you were like your dad would be a compliment." His voice came out a little sharper than he'd intended, but he wanted this message to hit home.

"Well I don't know what he's like, so I don't know, do I?" Teddy turned round and snapped loudly, his eyes flashing and a bolt of crimson streaking through his hair. Harry held his gaze.

"Come with me."

It was not a suggestion, it was a command. Teddy caught that much. He climbed to his feet and followed his godfather to the mirror in the hallway.

"Look in the mirror. What do you see?"

Teddy scowled critically at his reflection. "A dumbass who forgot his girlfriend's birthday?"

Harry sighed.

"You'll only see that if you let yourself."

Teddy said nothing, but folded his arms unresponsively.

"Turn your hair light brown."

"What?" Teddy blinked, confused.

"Just do it."

Teddy did what he was told, for the first time that day.

"Ok. Make it a little longer - that's it. Now a few streaks of dark grey. A bit more tanned skin…a few scars across the nose. The eyes are perfect. Now what do you see?"

Teddy leant forwards and gazed, open-mouthed, at himself in the mirror.

"Its…its my dad, isn't it?"

"Yep," Harry smiled a little, "What do you imagine he'd be saying to you, if that really was him?"

Teddy frowned, "He was a teacher, wasn't he?" He put a deep, gruff voice, "'Do your homework! Don't get into fights!'"

Harry tried not to laugh, "Nope. Sounds nothing like him. Try again."

"Err…'Rawr, where's my hot chocolate?'"

"A little closer," Harry chuckled. "Probably more like…'Following in my footsteps isn't the best idea, but I'm proud of you anyway. Next time check there're no teachers around before you have a punch-up'."

Teddy giggled despite himself.

"Now, turn your hair pink and spiky. No, more bubblegum pink…that's it. Your face is the right shape; you have enough piercings…blue eyes…brilliant. Guess who that is."

Teddy beamed, "Its mum. Gran said she loved her pink hair."

"Yep. What do you think she'd be saying?"

"I honestly don't know," Teddy scratched his head, "Uhh…'I'm going to have a word with that teacher for putting Teddy in detention'?"

"Wrong again," Harry laughed, "It would be more like 'I will personally decapitate that teacher and stuff their eyeballs down their gullet if they ever dare pick on my Teddy again!!'"

Teddy couldn't help it - he burst out laughing.

"Was my mum really like that?"

"Well, she was twelve years younger than your dad. She had a brilliant sense of humour. She would probably have fitted several expletives in that sentence, too."

"Wow," Teddy grinned, "She sounds great. And dad. I wish I'd known them."

"Just one more." Harry paused, "Turn your hair blue and shaggy. Small nose, amber eyes. Several ear piercings. There. Who's that?"

"It's me." He said at once.

"And what would you be saying to yourself at this particular time?"

"Stop being so freaking angsty and grumpy," Teddy paused. "Look through the photo album of your parents. Buy your girlfriend some flowers and grovel on your knees. And apologise to your godfather."

"Are you going to listen to yourself now?" Harry asked quietly. Teddy smiled.

"I think so. Sorry for being such a misery-guts, Harry."

"No problem. Next time you get trouble from a teacher at school, call me in. They can't put _me_ in detention for beating someone up."

"No, but they can put you in jail for abusing a child." Teddy shot back, smirking. Harry grinned.

"What type of flowers are you going to get Victoire?"

"I have an idea. And I want to add some pictures of us to our family album." His face was animated now, much happier.

"Don't forget the grovelling." Harry reminded him.

"I don't think I ever will." Teddy sighed, a smile still stretching his face.


End file.
